ok im done venting...jk
Apr. 25th, 2025 08:54 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
seasidefics also im sorry that my past few posts and probably my next ones are so negative and personal and just super complainey..but i literally cant vent to anybody irl now. the one friend i had called me stress when i wanted to reconnect lol and basically said i put way too much on them, and fair..but it wasnt one sided. but anyways i dont wanna burden them even more so i just dont really talk to them anymore and i obviously cant talk to my family.... i cant even talk to my older sisters lol. they take my brothers side all the while claiming there are no sides. but every single time i voice any frustration over him and its level headed..not like in this post, i make it sound like an essay and so formal bc i feel awkward letting them see the "real me" yet they still respond telling me "hes stressed". its all they go on on and about "hes really stressed", "he has a lot going on" like i get it!!!!!! im stressed too! im going through the exact same shit as him !!! but i have to be bigger the person..i have to be the one who just deals with his mood and take the brunt of it.
and honestly the more and more they go on about how stressed he is and how its okay for him to act like this bc of it..i become desensitized to it. i dont care anymore, honestly.its lost all meaning to me. my empathy has weaned so much like i am a much bitchier person now. its really hard to make myself see it from his side when everybody just uses it as a justification and crutch for his behavior.
and like this is so struggle olympics and narcissistic but idc anymore....what about me??? why cant they defend me immediately when he talks shit abt me to them (which i know for a fact he does.they tell me or i overhear since he does it when im in the room right next door) like do they ever tell him, "why dont u see it from riyahs side?" "riyahs under a lotta stress..thats why she doesnt wann fcking clean every single day". nooooooo. bc hes the good guy. hes so kind and good for taking us in. and hes older so i just have to obey and listen,
its fcking hell being the "baby" of this family..like they go on and on abt how im not a kid anymore and that i need to grow up bc of my social anxiety yet they still treat me like a kid! i cant ever overstep and say my piece without them talking down on me and invaliding my feelings. im not even allowed to have feelings in this family. its wrong! everything about me is wrong! wrong wrong wrong
okay let me calm down,,,,all that to say, this is why im venting so much on here. i need to get it out somewhere and this is the only scmd i have tht just belongs to me..so im sorry.
and honestly the more and more they go on about how stressed he is and how its okay for him to act like this bc of it..i become desensitized to it. i dont care anymore, honestly.its lost all meaning to me. my empathy has weaned so much like i am a much bitchier person now. its really hard to make myself see it from his side when everybody just uses it as a justification and crutch for his behavior.
and like this is so struggle olympics and narcissistic but idc anymore....what about me??? why cant they defend me immediately when he talks shit abt me to them (which i know for a fact he does.they tell me or i overhear since he does it when im in the room right next door) like do they ever tell him, "why dont u see it from riyahs side?" "riyahs under a lotta stress..thats why she doesnt wann fcking clean every single day". nooooooo. bc hes the good guy. hes so kind and good for taking us in. and hes older so i just have to obey and listen,
its fcking hell being the "baby" of this family..like they go on and on abt how im not a kid anymore and that i need to grow up bc of my social anxiety yet they still treat me like a kid! i cant ever overstep and say my piece without them talking down on me and invaliding my feelings. im not even allowed to have feelings in this family. its wrong! everything about me is wrong! wrong wrong wrong
okay let me calm down,,,,all that to say, this is why im venting so much on here. i need to get it out somewhere and this is the only scmd i have tht just belongs to me..so im sorry.
