riyah

posting something happy and non complainey for once in hopes it helps me not come off as so negative with other posts lol. i decided i wanna try to do a "stuff that made me smile this week (or month)" post and include it in a couple of my vents so i can have some balance. my hope is that it’ll also push me to look for new things, maybe another fandom or just a small hobby, since it would be kinda embarrassing to just put food and txt every week lol

anyways: things that made me happy this week

1. tea. i’ve been on a tea kick and have been drinking one mid evening the past couple of weeks. i have a british blend that i really love and idk if it's authentic or not or if there's that much of a difference compared to lipton and this is all placebo, but i love it!!! sadly i only have like 6 more bags so i’m saving it and now just drinking generic lipton. my hope in the future is to have a whole collection since i wanna try assam and oolong.

2. been following a rly cool girl on twt (yes i sadly reinstalled...tho i turned video replay off and muted all the words i could think of...it's the app where you really are updated the fastest sadly and i don't like having fomo) and she started this really beautiful trend where she posts photos of where she’s walked throughout the day and her meal. it's just so comforting? and other people have started to do it in the qrts and it's wonderful to see all the beautiful places people have nearby them. it’s got me really wanting to go to the uk i'm sorry. even though i have to drive quite a while to find a pretty park, i was thinking of doing it on a weekend when everyone is free. i’m a lil afraid it'll set me back bc that's what i did with my dad...but i won’t let that cross my mind rn.

3. simulation games! i've been playing a cafe one, a farming one, and one where you’re a ceo of an ent company and you form an idol group. i was thinking of making the latter into a whole post in itself bc i honestly had way too much fun and i love my name (shooting star entertainment) but my idol groups are flops and i'm going bankrupt so i stopped playing for a lil bit lol

4. watching very stewpid movies and cooking dinner for once. already talked abt this in another entry but i had the house to myself for like 3 days with sis and we got to just...kinda act like it was ours? it transported me back to being in my childhood home. i loved making dinner with her and i wanna do it again sometime soon.

5. luke hughes resigned!! he missed most of training camp and the preseason games but whatever, at least they came to a conclusion. it’s a long-term deal too, which makes me a little delusional about the possibility of quinn signing with the devils when he’s a free agent (don’t kill me canucks fans pls). i’m just forever endeared by that guy. plus, it’s so funny that we’ve learned he’s the only one in the family with actual acting abilities thanks to this commercial he did. i loved it so much!! it reminded me of the office with the way it was filmed, like a mockumentary, and the lil jab at him being a nepo baby was just genius  chef’s kiss

getting exo cb, zouis interactions (and the security footage just like the old days of airport cams getting hacked...), 5sos playing with jonas brothers and doing the slsp jump back to back.. oh we are so back to 2012-2015 stan twt!! i'm so fcking happy... if uve viewed any one of my journals you'd know that all i do is yearn for the past so this is just the Best for me.

ngl when i found out liam passed.. i went through like a week-long thing of watching all the old one direction videos and while i did cry a lil bit (so parasocial boo me) it was the first time that i had actually felt like i was transported back to 2013... like i have phases where every 3 yrs or so i get back onto an old band interest (1d or 5sos) for like a day or two.. but that time lasted more than a week and it seriously felt like i was a pre-teen again, with that dizzy, giddy feeling of staying up late to watch 1d day or sneaking wattpad when i was supposed to be sleeping. that same rush i’ve never been able to fully replicate since. maybe that's pathetic and embarrassing to admit. but whatever.

anyways we've been in the 90s/early 2000s resurgence and it just feels like we're finally having our 2010s moment and i'm just so ecstatic! like i've seen people even talk abt how we're getting back to the froyo craze and YES PLS... i loved bethany mota and would watch her every single day after school and always wanted to get cake batter froyo bc of her lol. i used to go to this one at my cousin's house called frostbite and always got the sour gummy worm special. need to go back...

and the sabrina carpenter performance at the vmas.... we are just so back. i feel like this is a shift...

 sooo, i’m kinda back in a nicholas alexander chavez kick (will be starting grotesquerie soon!!) and it’s got me thinking about my new-ish type as a woman now... i keep coming back to the same old guys: nicholas, obviously; manish dayal; bob morley; lee joon gi (specifically flower of evil era); skeet ulrich; soldier boy jensen ackles; and now quinn hughes...

i feel like some of them might contradict each other, but at the same time it all somehow feels cohesive?? it’s just fun to compare it to my sister’s list of celebrity crushes, since she’s into a more androgynous(?) type of guy—like miyavi and owen teague. (not a bad thing at all!) i think i’m just more surprised by myself, since lately i’ve taken a real liking to beards. like… all of the men above somehow look way prettier to me with facial hair?? it softens their look, i think, which is funny because you’d expect the opposite. also, they all have such expressive, pretty eyes. especially manish… he’s so puppy. honestly, a lot of them feel more traditionally masculine than the guys i used to crush on, at least by my own standards. but i guess i should've expected that like duhhhh, we’re all older now.
 

i know this is so random and weird, i’m sorry, but my new favorite hobby is psychoanalyzing myself. so i guess i’m trying to figure out what kind of men i’m drawn to... and maybe even who i could attract?? idk. i know it’s not that deep lol.

idk, i just find it interesting, and honestly kind of fun, to think about. so much so that i made a little post about it, since it reminded me that i’ve grown so much and that my taste has definitely evolved. i know it sounds silly, but for some reason i can rant about super personal stuff with family, and yet when it comes to celebrity crushes, that’s where i suddenly get shy and worry people will think i’m weird lol.

but also maybe it is a little deep, because i think i’ve been feeling really touch-starved lately. like, i’ve never really minded being “single” before, but now it’s like... god, i need to get myself a man. or a girl, honestly. i’d prefer a girlfriend tbh... but that feels even harder sometimes. i just want softness and closeness and someone to lean into.

anyways, i need to lock in and find my own nicholas alexander chavez... preferably soon.