seasidefics | Recent Entries

i have been so bad with replying to comments and entries. i'm so sorry. i don't want to sound like i'm making excuses, but i think i'm falling back into old pandemic-era patterns where i take a little too long to reply to people, and then i get way too into my own head and convince myself it's been too long to respond. then even more time passes, and it just keeps getting harder and harder to hit send because, in my brain, i've already missed the moment. by the time it's been a month or more, it feels weird to suddenly reply when the conversation happened so long ago... but then it also ~~feels~~ is rude to just ghost people.

i'm really not trying to ignore anyone, and i'm sorry for that's how it may be coming across. i'm just way too stuck in my own head rn. ik i ruined and hurt a lot of relationships during the pandemic because of this exact pattern, and i really need to nip it in the bud before i end up like this again for years.

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Current Mood: yappy

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Current Location: la fair memorial weekend
Current Music: party in the USA - Miley Cyrus

( story timeeee )

Current Mood: embarrassed

was actually gonna post abt this in my last entry, but i got carried away with the other topic and didn’t wanna loop these together, so separate post it is :)

but baby names. i’ve been thinking about them a lot recently because i was trying to find an author pen name that i liked and that suited the genre (think i finally found it for the spooky/horror/dark academia-centric themes). and that somehow led me down a rabbit hole of baby name sites and subreddits.

i thought i’d share my list bc ?? no real reason other than i like yapping. i honestly really don't get the secrecy or the gatekeeping around names, and that’s saying something for someone who as a kid would literally force their sister to bias someone else in a pop band just because they liked them first... i guess to me it’s like, i just don’t care if there are multiple so-and-sos out in the world? and like i actually expect that as some of the names i like are not uncommon whatsoever and like they’ll always be different and tied to me since they’d have my last name???

anyways, i have so many options i love for girl names, but i kind of struggle with boys.

girls:

elena
eliana
marie / maria
marissa (merissa)
mia

can you tell i freaking love m names??? i think it has to do with the fact that almost every older sister (and older sister figures) i grew up around had an m name as either a first or middle name, and even in-laws around me tended to have m names. and getting more into this topic, i’ve realized i looove liquid consonants and vowel-heavy names that are very flowy. i think most of these are classified as either modern classic or just classic.

boys:

alexander (xander for short)
elijah
gabriel
nolan

not really sure of the theme with this one but yeah.

on a lighter note, i had my sister cut a bit of my hair in a fit of impulsivity last night... honestly, i’m not totally in love with it, as she tried to give me curtain bangs(?) but i got too nervous so i barely let her cut anything, and now my front pieces are obviously a little shorter but still too long to be classified as bangs, i think. she hardly cut much from the back as well, like maybe 2 inches, but it feels so much shorter (to me) and i feel self-conscious.

hope no one i see mentions anything because i do not like being perceived one bit!! i need to get over it and just use this as exposure therapy though, as i’ve been talking this big talk about getting a lob, and now that it’s upper-back length i’m getting stressed over it....

i just really need to chop it all off. my brother, not so subtly, was giving hints i should get a haircut last year (or at least to me, as he kept mentioning at least 5 times that his friend was a retired hairdresser and would cut my hair at a discount), but i’ve just grown so attached to this decade-long hair, that it was hard to take up the offer, especially when someone is lowkey pressuring me to do it. it makes me not want to.

also, i’m really thinking of dying my hair at home... currently extremely obsessed with miley’s hair in season 4 of hannah montana (like most people were/are), and like, it’s a full-on blowout with extensions, so it’ll obviously look different if i end up getting the lob/clavi cut, but i just love the color. i asked on a subreddit, and everyone said the base color seemed to be 7wg with lots of highlights and lowlights... but that seems too light to me?? i’m not the expert, though.

but i was talking about it with others, and they said my hair is darker than that, so i’d probably have to get it lifted, and i don’t want that.... so i might keep my natural color as the base and just do 5w as the lowlights??? idk idk... the most obvious best course of action is to get this done professionally at a salon, as the reddit users not so kindly pointed out, but that’s gonna cost so much, and i despise the salon because of the small talk.

the main goal is just to have warmth and look different, i guess. i’ll probably be seeing at least one sister this summer, so i just wanna be... ?? idk what i’m even looking for. just not my current/past self from the last 3 years. when this particular older sister last saw me in person, i was semi in a much better place (in a way) physically or more like appearance wise.

( cw talk of dieting and body image )

Current Mood: yappy

Getting to know me

origin of your username: it was 2018, and i was obsessed with Blue Side by JHope. i tried to do a replica of it with “seaside” and added “fics” at the end since it was supposed to be a writing account. this was for my twitter, btw, and i ended up really loving the username and have kept it across most of my other social media accounts

i always order this food:i usually try a new menu item anywhere i go since i so rarely eat out, but a safe option would be any kind of burger or burrito? i feel like you can’t really go wrong with those

current overused emoji: 😔 it's been my most used for almost a decade now... i think being on stan instagram from 2016-2020 made me like this

current favorite show: reply 1988 (just picked it back up and i'm really enjoying it) haunting of hill house and beef 2023 will always be my top two, though

current favorite book: n/a i haven't read in a long time besides fanfics...

current favorite video game: i only play free simulations ones lol..i just made a new moviestarplanet acc bc i used to play that back in the day, but its not as fun as i remember

song on repeat: try hard - 5sos / waste no time - seunghan

last thing you really got into: numerology… i’m a life path 3, which doesn’t feel that accurate, and it feels like me and my sister should be switched (she’s a 4). also, my karmic tail is 9, 12, 3, and it’s weirdly kind of accurate…

oddly specific thing that brings you joy: when it’s so overcast and dewy that you can smell it...it brings me back to being a kid in the passenger seat and my dad driving us to school in the early mornings. his cup of hot coffee filling the entire car.

phone wallpaper:

what smell makes you happy:the smell of any kind of bbq or bonfire. it always reminds me of the beach, even though my family never really used them... i just have really fond memories tied to it

morning, night, or other type: night. i have a theory that you’re kind of shaped by the time you were born, like my dad was born at 5 a.m., and he’s always been a big morning person, while i was born at 1 a.m., and i feel like that’s my peak time of day.

what’s your work/profession: i want to change this to “dream,” but even then, i can’t think of anything :(

Food related questions that will make you hungry

3weeks4dreamwidth

What is a food you loved as a child but do not enjoy anymore? not really a meal, but chicken used to be my favorite protein. i can’t even stomach the smell now since i boil it 2x a week for my cat with digestive issues, and it’s genuinely made me hate it

What’s a food you used to dislike but now enjoy? What changed? i used to hate anything with peas, but i actually enjoy them now. they bring a sweetness to savory dishes that’s needed imo

If you could eat only one cuisine for the rest of your life, which would you choose? mexican? salvadoran? peruvian? fck i don’t know… can i choose filipino for desserts/drinks and mexican for savory/dinner?

What food instantly makes you feel comforted or happy? it used to be enchiladas because it was the first meal i cooked with my dad. he would always be so happy when we made them,,,we turned it into a “white people casserole” version and added a bunch of veggies, so he said he could feel the immediate benefits lol. but now it just makes me sad… maybe tteokbokki?

What food reminds you most of your childhood? so many: fast food like the party pack from taco bell and cheap little caesars pizzas (which is unironically my favorite pizza chain), french toast because my dad would make it every saturday morning and the smell of cinnamon and butter would wake me and my bff up after sleepovers, and ceviche in the summer

Are there any foods you think are overrated? i’ve learned i just have “crappy” taste buds lol. i genuinely like the “poor people” versions of things—like kraft parmesan vs. the real deal, or a walmart mousse vs. an expensive french one

What traditional dish from your country would you recommend to a visitor? i was gonna go regional, but most people have tried popular socal foods like california rolls, avocado toast, in-n-out… i’d say street tacos, but authentic ones from a taqueria

Who is the best cook you know, and what makes their food special? my grandpa was the chef of the house when i was a kid. i tried looking up his old recipes and a lot of them were great depression–era with midwest influence, since he was born and raised in a small rural town in oregon... i wonder if that came from swapping recipes during his time in the navy. everyone in my family misses his cooking...

Current Mood: hungry

The ABC's of me.

3weeks4dreamwidth
( i love to yap about myself!!! )

Current Mood: yapping

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Current Mood: bitchy

yesterday was a good day for me! dare i even say i was just the tiniest bit happy? and all i did was stop doomscrolling on my phone and instead started doing practice quizzes/exercises on grammar. which is embarrassing to say, but whatever. i’ve been so reliant on grammarly the past 5 yrs, and i’ve regressed so much in forming my own complex sentence structures without help. it’s just so embarrassing that i was more articulate as a high schooler than i am now. my writing from back then to now is night and day.

so i decided to push past the embarrassment and self-shame and have been using noredink, khan academy, and grammar bytes. i just need to take baby steps to get my brain more active. i’ve been in constant brain fog since 2020 and feel like i genuinely have zero brain cells left, so i need to do something—even if it’s embarrassing to admit to myself how dumbed down i’ve become.

so i did that pretty much all of yesterday and then stayed up for txt cb! which omgggg, the cb and all the content leading up to it lowkey brought me back to being a fan in 2020?? like when they would do ot5 practice room vlives right before cysm... i finally felt the same emotions from back then watching them make lemon cheong on weverse.

taehyun and yj keep saying that they’ve approached their 7th year with a rookie mindset since they’re in their first year of the new contract (txt 2.0), and i guess i’m feeling the same way. because i’m telling you, the last couple of days have felt like pandemic-era riyah watching rookie-era txt. the same giddiness.

made eggs in purgatory for a late breakfast/lunch. i opened a costco-size jar of pasta sauce yesterday since i was craving pizza toast, and now i have to find ways to use it. so today i just heated it up with olive oil and a bunch of italian spices and then cooked eggs in it. i know they’re supposed to be almost poached and runny, but i overcooked them since some days runny yolk gives me the ick, and today was just one of those days. so it basically turned into an tomato and egg stir fry dish (which for some reason i craved all of 2021 even though i’ve never had it, and watched countless videos of people making it... i really am getting back to early 2020's riyah)

also, i made a salted honey iced coffee! i'm running low on splenda, and for whatever reasons... honey felt like much more of a "healthier" choice than using white or brown sugar, so i thought i might as well as use the opportunity to follow recipes from coffeetok, and it was okay! way too sweet...however, that was my fault since i added way too much. next time, i need to do half a tbsp or less.

Watch on YouTube

first content i’ve watched for this cb’s promo?? (actually scratch that i watched clips of the yeonbin divorce nvm) and omgggg i loved this. moons ago daesung was actually my bias… my first bias, in fact. before i got into exo and bts i was a bigbang and bap girlie… it feels weird seeing something 14-year-old riyah loved line up with 24-year-old riyah’s interests… she’s changed so much, yet apparently not that much, since she still fcking love this community.

also i’m trying to post more fandom-centric content since that was the original purpose of this journal, and ik i need to stop being negative and just have some fun.

( long ramblings ahead )

Current Mood: chipper
Current Music: stick with you teaser ver - kai vocals

( okayyy im done )

onto other kpop things bc i can’t apparently shut up now and tbh i’ve been semi checked out of hockey since olympicgate, so i’ve kinda crawled back into it, and i’m very excited for wishies and txt’s upcoming cbs.

out of all the concept photos that have come out for this txt album, my favorite is definitely “thorn,” which i’m so surprised to see falling last on everyone’s rankings… like what?? it’s so high fashion and editorial and i loooove the hair. i think my ranking of the concept photos is thorn-hunger-tension-anxiety (so basically in order of when they were released )

though txt's and my definition of extreme hairstyles and concepts is very different, cuz uhhh this all looked pretty tame ?? i was expecting spiky, fiery red mohawks or something.

and bc i just love torturing myself i’m still into an nct unit, so i’ve been watching wishies’ new series where they basically emulate singles inferno and it’s been cheering me up a bit. they’re really cranking it out too… the editors knew they had to cheer up czennies

sion and saku are so bby debut era sookai coded to me… like there was basically a play-by-play of that one dream ep where they were paired up in one room and both parties acted like they hated it as they hugged.

i just love eldest/leader + maknae dynamics !!

also the new diagram trend of people putting where they think a groups inspo (parents) come from and i finally found one where i agree with basically everything.. like, finally someone else sees nct wish are txt's children. my little whimsical stars.

sister is an infinite fan however, and she disagrees abt txt being their and shinee's love child sooo... but i see the vision and apparently others do too, so that's all that matters. (txt are also soooo 5sos coded)

now that i had a night’s rest and got to let it sink in just a bit more, i wanted to share more thoughts and feelings because i feel like my original post was just so kneejerk and almost… a bit selfish? like, how does this affect poor me? when in reality, he has sacrificed 10 years of his youth, never once taking a break (i think it’s been clarified he’s only missed 2 activities in all his years of being active), in 3, sometimes 4, different units, and has just grinded and has been overworked for so long. and for once, he’s finally chosen himself.

there’s this korean tweet i saw that was auto-translated as, “what on earth for? faith? family? self-realization? i’ve been constantly thinking about things like that, but seeing your handwritten letter, it hits me that you were a kid who really needed a ton of time to think about yourself, and you never got even a single moment of that time, so now you’ve decided to finally take it,” and i think the last part is also the conclusion i have come to myself.

i saw another reddit user say they think he realized he loved music but didn’t like being an idol. and to think he was just a mere teenager (16 years old) when he first signed that contract, with sm still having those infamous 10-year contracts while everyone else is at 7… did the boy from the mickey mouse club days realize what he was singing up for?

i hope he uses this time to travel around the world without a camera crew and sasaengs following his every move, that he tries new hobbies and new foods, etc., and just gets to be a guy in his 20s. which is crazy to think about...that he has been relentless working for over a decade, and yet he is only 26 years old.

time like this just makes me take a step back and realize i selfishly take these guys and the moments they give us so ungratefully and unappreciatively, just always thinking they will be around...but that’s not the case. we all grow. change is good.

this took a lot of bravery to do, and as much as i’m feeling so gutted, i’m also proud. and it’s just a strange feeling in this sphere, when idols usually leave under murky circumstances and are never to be mentioned again by group members, but this is clearly so different and amicable on all fronts. never have i witnessed an idol get this much open love and support from members and people in the industry. and the dreamies’ letters… jisung's....since when did that boy grow up and write so eloquently like this? my title is actually a line from his letter.

i believe everyone has their own precious life, and ultimately, choosing their path and walking it is up to each person. it's the same for me. i think anyone who has a dream encounters moments where they have to walk quietly toward the direction they believe in.

at first, i was upset, but knowing that person—knowing all the hard work he put in—even though i couldn't express it much, i want to cheer on the path of the hyung i truly loved from afar.

nothing lasts forever, but just as the wish for something to be eternal is love, i think the feeling of not wanting to let go, yet wanting to let them go, is also love.

…

i am letting go of one of the most beloved moments in my life. i take pride in having spent ten years that were more special and precious than anyone else's.

i’m seeing fan accounts that haven’t been active since 2020, you know… like it’s kind of brought everyone together. i even wrote a little message to an ex-oomf on tumblr, but on anon because i’m anxious, and she responded—even though she, funnily enough, also moved on to hockey and hasn’t been into kpop for more than a year.

i thought of her because she, too, loved that poem or late-night scribble that mark wrote in 2021, which has lines something like, “a boy who grew up with sharks does not need to be taught to swim. it comes naturally to him.” and i have always, always wanted to just poke his mind and, if i had the opportunity, ask him about it. and he even kind of brought it back in the recent letter with, “with the members i boarded the same ship with, we’ve made the best voyage over the past ten-plus years. and as someone who has always loved going into the water, now that i’m saying i want to swim, these are the members who are cheering on my deep dive—with love, no less.” (cr to soompi for translation)

if he ever does become an author, i’ll gladly buy whatever it is. if he does end up busking on the streets, whether it be in canada, america, or korea, I hope i, by chance, run into him and get to witness him in his element just one last time.

it's been a wonderful ~~long ass ride~~ journey mark lee <3

Current Mood: reflective
Current Location: Yo Dream! Jjeoreo juja! Fighting!
Current Music: Dear DREAM - nct dream

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Current Music: graduation - nct dream

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realizing that in order to get the courage to post my work, i probably need to stop interacting with fanfic authors all together but esp on reddit specifically. and like, yes, it’s reddit, so why should i care that a bunch of anonymous strangers downvoted my comment? but it does get under my skin and bother me. i already feel kind of isolated in this sphere, so i think it just hits that feeling even harder. especially because it’s always when i make a post just asking a question about etiquette, and i genuinely don’t see why people wouldn’t like it. it’s not like i’m being rude or saying some controversial opinion. all i did was ask what people would do if someone had published something very similar to a wip they’re currently writing. like… am i breaking some kind of unspoken rule?

i just never seem to agree with most of the users on there. a lot of their general dislikes—like fics in lowercase or long, purple-prose titles—are things i actually love and try to emulate in my own writing. maybe it’s because there aren’t many rpf writers there, and that was my introduction to fanfic. but for the most part, and i know i’m generalizing, i just don’t like the attitude on that subreddit. every time i try to contribute, i’m mostly left feeling… rejected and sad.

then i have the other problem where i don’t really feel like i fit in with kpop fic authors either, especially in my fandom. or well, maybe that was more true years ago. i don’t interact anymore, so maybe i could find a friend group if i tried. but right now it just feels like i’m this sad loser looking in from the outside.

so it’s like two different worlds i don’t fit into. i’m just this sad third thing.

Current Mood: cynical

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being a hypochondriac in such a dismissive family SUCKS! i scraped my ankle pretty hard on the metal frame of my bed, which is very old and probably dirty/rusty. it really hurt, but i did all the proper steps ie. washed it with soap, then hydrogen peroxide, and put on neosporin. so yeah, like, 99.9% chance i'm perfectly fine and just being paranoid. but what if, in the very 0.1% chance, i actually end up getting tetanus?

i think the last time i got my vaccine was in sixth grade?like the mandatory period when you have to get it entering middle school or something...so it’s been more than 10 years. sigh, i just want to get the shot to be safe rather than sorry, you know? i do not want to get lockjaw and just suffer because i put off a stupid vaccine.

the problem is i can’t drive, so i’m planning(want to) to ask my brother to drop me off at a minuteclinic tmrw or tuesday so i can just get a walk-in tdap shot. but my sister is already completely dismissing me, saying i should just wait and see if it gets worse.(but that's the whole point i wanna get it..i don't want it to get worse!!) and my brother is so much worse about this stuff...he’s just gonna wave me off and say, “i’m sure you’ll be fine.” just ughhhhh.

like i'm the one gonna be fucked and affected if everyone turns out wrong and i actually did get the infection!!! so, it's easy for them to act like i'm crazy and dismiss me.

i think it just hurts too since i never ever go to the doctor, so they should know how anxious i am about this, and that it’s taking so much out of me to push past my severe anxiety/agoraphobia to go to a stupid clinic in a city i’m not familiar with at all.

i really don’t wanna get laughed at… like, i know that i’m being so paranoid, but every time i google it, it’s like, “you should get the booster just in case,” and it just reminds me of rabies, which i went down a dreadful rabbit hole about years ago, and i do not want that!!

idk the more i look at it...maybe i'll save myself the embarrassment and not ask, as it really is a small scrape..i think i just am freaking out bc it hurt so much and that it broke skin a bit. but it's not a deep puncture wound or anything. i need to chill out.

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riyah

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Base style: Brittle by sforzinda
Theme: Rattlesnake by krja

Page generated Sep. 27th, 2026 09:20 am

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riyah

Recent Entries

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updates: writing and British grocery store haul review

LA fair recap

(no subject)

baby names!!!

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getting to know me - three weeks for dreamwidth

food related questions - three weeks for dreamwidth

the abc's of me - three weeks for dreamwidth

i hateeee flea season

04/13/26 riyah’s random thoughts and ramblings of the day

zip daesung ft tubatu thoughts

(no subject)

the feeling of not wanting to let go, yet wanting to let them go, is also love

breaking news for kpop enjoyers

03/18/26 riyah’s random thoughts and ramblings of the day

gotta go insane to stay sane

so sick of having no privacy :(

03/03/26 riyah’s random thoughts and ramblings of the day

fml

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