riyah

finally tuned into v8's recent releases and oh my goddddd i am so incredibly hooked and enderared by these guys.

ngl, i've never been the biggest hyperpop fan (side note... i am terrible with music genres. like, as in naming them or differentiating between them, etc. i'm the opposite of a snob, okay, so pls have patience with me).

anyways, i'm so surprised with myself that i immediately loved "singasong" and "rat race," since it's not the typical music i listen to.

and for the past few years, i've honestly been stuck in this mindset where i hate everything on the first listen, and then by the 10th time i'm like, "actually, this is really good! idk why i was so negative."

i think the last song i fell in love with from the first instrumental was "0x1lovesong," so yeah...

now that i had a night’s rest and got to let it sink in just a bit more, i wanted to share more thoughts and feelings because i feel like my original post was just so kneejerk and almost… a bit selfish? like, how does this affect poor me? when in reality, he has sacrificed 10 years of his youth, never once taking a break (i think it’s been clarified he’s only missed 2 activities in all his years of being active), in 3, sometimes 4, different units, and has just grinded and has been overworked for so long. and for once, he’s finally chosen himself.

there’s this korean tweet i saw that was auto-translated as, “what on earth for? faith? family? self-realization? i’ve been constantly thinking about things like that, but seeing your handwritten letter, it hits me that you were a kid who really needed a ton of time to think about yourself, and you never got even a single moment of that time, so now you’ve decided to finally take it,” and i think the last part is also the conclusion i have come to myself.

being a hypochondriac in such a dismissive family SUCKS! i scraped my ankle pretty hard on the metal frame of my bed, which is very old and probably dirty/rusty. it really hurt, but i did all the proper steps ie. washed it with soap, then hydrogen peroxide, and put on neosporin. so yeah, like, 99.9% chance i'm perfectly fine and just being paranoid. but what if, in the very 0.1% chance, i actually end up getting tetanus?

i think the last time i got my vaccine was in sixth grade?like the mandatory period when you have to get it entering middle school or something...so it’s been more than 10 years. sigh, i just want to get the shot to be safe rather than sorry, you know? i do not want to get lockjaw and just suffer because i put off a stupid vaccine.

the problem is i can’t drive, so i’m planning(want to) to ask my brother to drop me off at a minuteclinic tmrw or tuesday so i can just get a walk-in tdap shot. but my sister is already completely dismissing me, saying i should just wait and see if it gets worse.(but that's the whole point i wanna get it..i don't want it to get worse!!)  and my brother is so much worse about this stuff...he’s just gonna wave me off and say, “i’m sure you’ll be fine.” just ughhhhh.

like i'm the one gonna be fucked and affected if everyone turns out wrong and i actually did get the infection!!! so, it's easy for them to act like i'm crazy and dismiss me.

i think it just hurts too since i never ever go to the doctor, so they should know how anxious i am about this, and that it’s taking so much out of me to push past my severe anxiety/agoraphobia  to go to a stupid clinic in a city i’m not familiar with at all.

i really don’t wanna get laughed at… like, i know that i’m being so paranoid, but every time i google it, it’s like, “you should get the booster just in case,” and it just reminds me of rabies, which i went down a dreadful rabbit hole about years ago, and i do not want that!!
 

1. the placement
   this house is on the corner of the street, which means all the downstairs bedroom windows face out toward the road. everyone passing by can slightly see inside, and i’m constantly woken up at 3 a.m. by random people making all kind of noises outside. to make it worse, it’s right next to the sewer line, yayayay, so there’s always a problem with waterbugs. if you don’t know what those things are, look them up. they’re disgusting. if i see one, say, in the kitchen, i can’t even walk in there for at least two days.

2. no ac or fans
   there’s no ac or even ceiling fans in the downstairs bedrooms, so it gets so freaking hot. i can’t sleep lately because i’m just sweating all night. even a thin sheet feels like too much, but then with nothing on, i feel way too exposed. i bought cheap fans for my room to try to get some sleep, but you know what my brother does? he sees them in there and takes them out, like broooo... he'll probably  say it’s because of the “electricity bill” 🙄. but funny enough, he had no problem installing a ceiling fan for my nephew in his room.

3. living next to a school
   this one’s a mix of positives and negatives. at first, i thought, “oh, this will be nice, suburban, family-friendly vibes.” but nope. not friendly to walk around at all. and since the house sits right on the corner with only a short wall separating the yard from the sidewalk, kids and random people just step right over it. there have been at least five times when middle schoolers literally started fighting in our yard. i know i sound like a karen, but honestly, i don’t care. it’s annoying, and i hate that people can get access to the yard so easily.

4. the neighbors (or lack thereof)
   people aren’t neighborly at all. okay, i’ll admit i’m a hypocrite because i don’t exactly try to get to know them either… but they’re just so cold. and i’ve been living here for 6 years now, so at this point it would feel weird to suddenly try to talk to them.

long list of 6,439 things i want in my dream house

1. walkable!!
   i want to be able to walk around the block, or even run, if i ever do get into a cardio phase, and feel safe and secure. i don’t need a store just a block from me (actually, i wouldn’t like that), but i do want to be able to step outside and walk without worrying. of course, i probably always will as a woman, but you get my gist.

2. dogs!!!!
   i feel like i’m the only dog-ish person in my immediate family, which is always weird to think about because my older siblings hate people who set boundaries, yet they’re all obsessed with cats. i love cats too, don’t get me wrong, i’ve always had them growing up, but i also really like dogs, more than the rest of my family.

3. cherry wood .
   i genuinely don’t understand the obsession with all-white kitchens… it’s so ugly to me. (okay, that was mean, sorry.) but i just don’t vibe with it. i get that they’re supposed to look “wealthier,” but i don’t know, cherry wood just adds so much warmth and character. it reminds me of 2000s homes, and it’s my dream to recreate my childhood home, so cherry wood it is.

i also really like cherry wood floors, though… so i’m not sure how to have both without them clashing. and then there’s the question of what countertops would even work with that. but that’s a problem for future first-time house-owner riyah.

4. retro half-tile bathroom
   like i said, i really just want to recreate my childhood home, so one of the bathrooms has to have a retro-style half-tile wall. technically this is more of a 1950s thing, but it reminds me so much of my childhood and the media i grew up with that i still associate it with the 2000s. mine growing up was blue-ish, but this time i’m leaning toward pink. (i’m thinking of making the guest bath more minimal and modern.)

5. wine red dining room wall
   i don’t know why, but i’ve been obsessed with this idea. it just feels so luxurious, which is why i’d put it in the dining room instead of the living room, i still want the living room to feel more airy and carefree. i think just a pop of this color would look so good.

6. pocket door for the kitchen
   i know the current buzz is all about open layouts, and while i like that and want certain aspects of it, i still prefer a more closed-off kitchen. like i’ve said about 9,000 times, i grew up with one, so i want to continue that tradition. i’m a very private person, especially when it comes to food and cooking, and sometimes i just want to be alone, baking cookies in the middle of the afternoon. a pocket door would be perfect for that.

7. big yard
   at least 0.25 acres, though half an acre would be ideal. (guess what my childhood home was? lol.) i want to plant lots of trees, plums, kumquats, a blackberry bush, and grow plenty of produce. i’m so used to the socal climate that i’m not sure how tomatoes and peppers will do in new hampshire  the east coast, but we’ll figure something out. i don’t even want kids anymore, but still… we’re getting a huge yard, even if it’s just for two people.

i’m just so happy and feel electrified. also they are both so white girl wasted but esp quinn, spamming his insta stories the entire day and night, and i feel like again i’m living vicariously through him as i don’t drink but the feeling is the same!


    

(edit: ok i wrote all of this earlier in the day when i was still running on adrenaline from finding out we won but now all the clips of them partying it up with patel have surfaced…i am no longer feeling patriotic or proud...idk why i'm even surprised, or thought they might be different, when they've proved that they really are just rich white men at the end of the day (even if they are more progressive on other stances)...i kinda wanna delete the prev paragraphs as that's embarrassing...i only feel proud of the women's us team and alysa liu )

now onto txt content… the letters to each other. yeonjun’s to kai’s… that’s his bby! like actually i’m not even being parasocial and looking too much into things for once as yj said it himself!! me and him are never putting that grown ass man down.

and the tyunningism!! love that taehyun says he observes and studies kai like it’s national geographic bc same. i too look at all his mannerisms and catalogue them in my kai-obsessed brain.