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seasideficsi went outside today and finally deep cleaned one of the litter boxes, and even though i sprayed a hefty amount of sunscreen, i could feel the rays penetrating through my shirt and i got kind of worried i'd burn, as i was out there for like an hour in the peak of the highest temp. at least it takes no time to dry, hence why i forced myself to do it today. i need to do the other two, but i was lowkey exhausted just from this one, so i'll wait for tomorrow. it's supposed to be around the same, high 90s.
i've been having trouble with my ear the past week or so, hence me not being on here as much. i was worried i got swimmer's ear somehow and told myself i'd make an appointment today if it was still the same, but it's better today. idk what i did, but just the inside concha hurt so bad and felt incredibly tender and swollen (anytime i reference it as concha, my mind goes to the pastry lol…my childhood beloved snack). now i think it was either from me constantly resting all my weight on that ear, like when i put my hand over it as an armrest when i lay on one side, or a bug bite, since i'm getting bitten constantly from idk what.
that's one really annoying thing when the weather heats up…i attract insects like crazy, and i must be allergic since they tend to turn into red, raised bumps. i just have them all over my feet and legs. i can't count the amount of scars covering me from them. and i'm the only one affected! always have been since i was little, even back in my childhood city. my dad joked it was because i had sweet blood, though the majority of my family is all o positive, so idk why i'm the only one getting bitten, or at least having a reaction to the bites.
i know i was just saying i was afraid of burning, but i think i’m gonna try staying outside for an hour a day or something (with lots of spf 70, of course) so i can gradually get some color and warmth back into me. i’m so pale, and i was looking at old photos from when i used to play outside every single day, and my complexion and hair look so different. like, not to bring color analysis into this, but for the last part of my teenage years i was convinced i was a winter/summer because my hair is so mousey with this grayish tinge, and my skin is really pale and cool-toned.
but in childhood, my hair had a red tone to it, like almost natural highlights, which my dad always complimented. he said i had strawberry/golden brown hair instead of “dirty dishwater,” which i hated and may have cried over when someone described it as such lol.
but yeah, i just had way more of a warm tone back then… though my completely natural tan leaned kind of orangish, so idk what that means. i could probably just use fake tanning solution(and that’s honestly the best/safest option) but the upkeep seems way too expensive, and it feels like too dramatic of a difference? i don’t want my siblings to perceive me and make a comment!!
i think i have such a Complex about being so pale because i vividly remember in 7th grade, this one kid was talking loudly to a big group during pe, and he was like, “at least i’m not pale like her,” while gesturing behind himself at me, just sitting there with exposed pasty legs in my stupid ugly gym shorts. and they all laughed. i know it’s not even that big of a deal, and it doesn’t come remotely close to the worst of the bullying i dealt with, but for some reason that stuck with me and made me feel oh so embarrassed... it probably didn’t help that it was the first week of school and i literally didn’t know anyone. i’ve always been cursed with having classmates who never went to any of my previous schools, so i was already feeling really isolatedanyways wow once i start rambling i can’t stop... i’m gonna go tidy up again for like the third time today and then savor my iced coffee (sf s’mores-inspired flavor) while i make summer outfits on shoplook… (you don’t understand how naturally “polyvore” still comes out of my mouth, i need to stop aging myself)
