riyah

on a lighter note, i had my sister cut a bit of my hair in a fit of impulsivity last night... honestly, i’m not totally in love with it, as she tried to give me curtain bangs(?) but i got too nervous so i barely let her cut anything, and now my front pieces are obviously a little shorter but still too long to be classified as bangs, i think. she hardly cut much from the back as well, like maybe 2 inches, but it feels so much shorter (to me) and i feel self-conscious.

hope no one i see mentions anything because i do not like being perceived one bit!! i need to get over it and just use this as exposure therapy though, as i’ve been talking this big talk about getting a lob, and now that it’s upper-back length i’m getting stressed over it....

i just really need to chop it all off. my brother, not so subtly, was giving hints i should get a haircut last year (or at least to me, as he kept mentioning at least 5 times that his friend was a retired hairdresser and would cut my hair at a discount), but i’ve just grown so attached to this decade-long hair, that it was hard to take up the offer, especially when someone is lowkey pressuring me to do it. it makes me not want to.

 
also, i’m really thinking of dying my hair at home... currently extremely obsessed with miley’s hair in season 4 of hannah montana (like most people were/are), and like, it’s a full-on blowout with extensions, so it’ll obviously look different if i end up getting the lob/clavi cut, but i just love the color. i asked on a subreddit, and everyone said the base color seemed to be 7wg with lots of highlights and lowlights... but that seems too light to me?? i’m not the expert, though.

but i was talking about it with others, and they said my hair is darker than that, so i’d probably have to get it lifted, and i don’t want that.... so i might keep my natural color as the base and just do 5w as the lowlights??? idk idk... the most obvious best course of action is to get this done professionally at a salon, as the reddit users not so kindly pointed out, but that’s gonna cost so much, and i despise the salon because of the small talk.
 

the main goal is just to have warmth and look different, i guess. i’ll probably be seeing at least one sister this summer, so i just wanna be... ?? idk what i’m even looking for. just not my current/past self from the last 3 years. when this particular older sister last saw me in person, i was semi in a much better place (in a way) physically or more like appearance wise.

( cw talk of dieting and body image )