riyah

Hi
The end of 2025 is soon to be completed, I'll look at the bottom of my laptop and see it'll say 2026, 2025 will solely be a memory, just like it has been for the millions of years, memories memories. 

I feel like I wasted my time, just sitting around in my room avoiding any sort of social interaction because I'm into deep inside my head I don't want to leave this kind of dissociation.

yabadabadooyabadabadee
I really need to start looking on the positive side of things, I like to remember that two years ago I thought my life was over and I should just die already, but here I am, writing an entry for my secret blog.

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the start of 2025 was fun, I was normal, the middle of it was extra fun, towards the end not so fun.
It's safe to say I'm scared of the future I mentioned this in my entry before but, I just CAN'T shake the feeling of some sort of impending doom, something I will suffer deeply and it fills me with anxiety, dread, anxiousness, regret, so many things. I Just need to calm down literally nothing has happened.

I downloaded RDR2 and I'm beyond excited, mind blasting excitement but I need to finish Arkham Knight Batman first before anything!
I'm also getting better at my electric guitar whoopee!
My dear sister is also currently working on my upright piano because it was so out of tune so she's working on that little by little,

but right now we have like just a regular little piano with all the buttons and stuff so I'm just playing on that, I stopped playing for like 3,4 years but came back just this year I mean it's pretty easy I remember everything I just have some difficulty relearning on some aspects of reading sheet music but practice makes perfect, and I also came to learn that practice is one of the most important things when you want to learn something, I mean it's obvious really, you really see that progress and feel a sense of satisfaction but also renewed energy that wants to keep pushing further so you can get even better, it's all practice practice practice. 

Woah I turned pretty wise there for a moment 

I also just discovered French toast cinnamon crunch and it's like cinnamon toast crunch but ten times better I recommend.
Last night I started watching the movie showgirl because of a clip I saw and, my mind is deeply tainted. Usually I can handle sex and awkward moments in movies but it was just too much. It was straight up naked ladies and men I got through half of it before I questioned the existence of my life. Just straight up everything just bodies and to make it worse they were dancing around people say it's a "masterpiece" but to me it looks like the perfect movie someone would watch just to jerk off to because of how many naked scenes there is. But I guess it was great at representing LA strip clubs in the 80's  
I do NOT recommend that movie unless you can handle just a bunch of naked people dancing and well, stripping.

Anyways
I also have been feeling braindead like I can't think or maybe it's because I haven't taken my multivitamins.
I'm also deeply in love with Sid Jenkins in Skins I know he's a grown man now but I would do anything ANYTHING to go back in time.
I also need to start setting goals for myself I'm just trying to finish school and die. Just kidding but that's always an option. 
I don't want to work, I don't want to have a relationship, I don't want to shower
the shower part is just me being lazy
I also started watching the walking dead and it's great I don't recommend if you can't handle gore and people eating with their hands.

I also plan on posting my precious cat on here just to show her so keep a lookout for that!

And tomorrow I'm going to combine my two favorite things, an uncrustable specifically peanut butter and jelly flavor and fruit loops and see how that goes.

There's so many other things I could think and talk about but for now I'll leave it here because I'm sleepy
goodnight! buenas noches! Sayonara!