seasidefics | 10/15/25 riyah’s random thoughts and ramblings of the day

i have this thing where i try to counteract venting by writing a happier post afterward, because i really do feel guilty for being a negative presence. i just need to not wallow in the feeling and instead do things that cheer me up. i finally made a breakfast/lunch, or maybe even dinner, since my body has no concept of time anymore... with esquites...so i do feel a bit better. but also worse, because i started choking on a corn kernel, and for a very brief moment i was like, this is not how i go out... how embarrassing. but idk, i coughed it out, and now my throat hurts even more than it did this morning. anyways if you read my last post before I privated..no you didn't.. I feel much better mentally after eating and taking a shower.

anyways, i've been getting more into ateez again. like, hmm, i've always been aware of them since i was active on insta when the kq fellaz vids dropped and went viral (i miss 2018</3 ). and they were always in the same roty discussions with txt, so yeah, i've kinda always known them, but i didn’t actually get into them until bouncy era. and now i'm back to being fully invested with in your fantasy bc wow, hot. hongjoong looks so good with his hair down like that… such a simple hairstyle but i really lose my mind when i see him? idk what it is. and the autotune in his part… so 2000s club music.

and my sister has been getting into them with me (kinda) ever since the “how was the show 🤠?” clip. she loves yeosang and mingi, which is funny bc we usually never have the same biases. i won’t even lie, i’ve been a toxic gatekeeper since elementary. like, when we were into btr, i legit got super pissed that we both liked kendall, and it started a whole fight until i was like, fck it, i’ll take james. like idk why, but me and my bffs would… stake claim on people? we couldn’t share? even with the cheetah girls, we all had our own roles. i was chuchie, bff1 was galleria, bff2 was dorinda, and my sis was aqua. we were such a peculiar group of lil kids, now that i think about it.

and then when she got into bts in 2015 with me, i got upset bc like… that’s my thing! even though I was pestering her to literally stan them with me...anyways, i’m so glad i grew outta that, and it’s just intriguing that we both like mingi since we usually have diff types. wait—now i want someone to read deep into our biases throughout the years, since whenever i share mine, people say there’s a pattern but never what that pattern actually is!

for me, i was a james girl in big time rush, niall/louis (mostly louis) in 1d, luke in 5sos (though i had the weakest bias there), zitao from exo (my first ever bias), daesung from big bang, jongup from bap, seokjin from bts, haechan from nct, and now hueningkai from txt and mingi/wooyoung from ateez.

my sister’s were eunhyuk and sungmin from suju, kiseop from ukiss, and other 2nd gen groups i can’t remember srry… baekhyun/suho from exo, and jaehee from wish. (i love everyone in wish and feel kinda awkward saying i bias someone so much younger than me, but i have a soft spot for sion/saku.)

i've been reading more darker fics since entering the spooky season, and i've noticed ateez and skz have a lot more of that? not complaining—quite the opposite, i like it. though i'm really sad, since there was this cracky (in a good way, i promise) slasher ateez au i was reading a yr ago, and i just went to check if it had been updated, only to find out the author privated all their fics to take a mental health break and rewrite them.. i selfishly hope they put them back up, because i looooved them. like, there was this scene where san and wooyoung are on a lake lodge, taunting the masked man—since obviously, why would it be a real killer?—and you can imagine what happens.. it really felt like a teen slasher, aka my fav horror genre.

kinda wanna write my own… or actually i was for a lil bit… a sequel to the sorority au, which i haven't really figured out the whole plot for the original lol… but i watched a slasher movie featuring sorority sisters and was inspired. i should pick it back up. but also wanna do a ghost face inspo au with soogyu… i just wanna try new things that are different than what i typically go for… which is coming-of-age and angst.

i finally went to the dutch bros that opened up in my area! i’d had it a couple times when i stayed in oregon in 2020 with my dad’s brother and that side of the family. i got a half sweet hot golden eagle and don’t get me wrong, it’s good! but i think i prefer sweet-flavored drinks iced .. when it’s hot, it feels too syrupy thick? my cousin got a hot chocolate with salted caramel, and we both tried each other’s (ew, germs) and agreed hers was better. maybe next time i’ll get that, but like, somehow ask to tone down the sweetness more than half if that’s even possible.

man, that really shows i’m getting old since my sweet tooth is going away… it’s over when i can’t even eat the lofthouse cookies with frosting.