seasidefics | this week's thoughts

have been walking a lot more, but i won’t even lie, i kinda look insane lol. since it’s been too cold and i’m struggling with ~~mild self diagnosed agoraphobia~~, i don’t do it outside. instead, i do it inside by pacing the outline of the downstairs space manically for like an hour straight, two or three times a day. yeah, when i type that out i realize how it sounds, but whatever...it’s helping me. i’m actually starting to look forward to it, because i just slip into maladaptive daydreaming while i do it. when i think about how i must look to outsiders, though, i start laughing, since even my cats just stare at me the entire time with scared expressions like, “what the hell is she doing?”

i need to find my fitbit or get a new one so i can start tracking steps. that’s what motivated me a couple years ago to average 10k every day. right now i have no idea what i’m doing, but at least it’s something. plus, i get really interested in my rhr and sleep statistics. when i was at my “healthiest,” my resting heart rate was in the low 60s, and that’s good!

i just want to be a little healthier i.e., more active and moving around. i hate that exercise actually helps with mood, ugh.

i’ve been writing again in the fake universe i created through maladaptive daydreaming, and i’m really enjoying it. i’ve written three chapters in just the past four days, which feels good, even if it’s kind of pointless(?) since it’s a story just for me, aka an audience of none.

it suddenly got pretty cold tonight, and now i’m craving something like chili, but there’s no protein or even beans in the pantry. so i have no idea what i’m going to make for dinner. my brother is also on the living room couch, which makes it awkward to cook, but i need food, so... when i really think about it right now, there’s basically nothing to make. i might have to have a struggle meal of just mexican rice and very old frozen fish sticks.

onto BREAKING NEWS for hockey fans: my hockey goat has been traded to fuckass minnesota (apologies to minnesotan friends...I’m just salty it happened right before the annual hughes bowl..like you couldn't wait a week?). i genuinely thought it would be one of three teams—detroit, nj, or washington. minnesota wasn’t even on my radar. i’m extra bummed because last year, before the canucks fully imploded, i planned a delusional trip to canada, and one of the main goals was to go to a canucks game for quinn… so that’s clearly not happening now.

also, i may or may not be writing(or still in the planning stages of) a canucks vs devils stanley cup au. quinn being on the canucks was very much the main factor of the story because brother angst. so i guess it’ll be outdated by the time i get around to posting it (probably a year from now), but it is an au after all.

and i only recently got into this world, so i still know jack shit about the logistics of player contracts and all that. but a lot of people in the devils camp really seem to think quinn will sign with the devils when he becomes a free agent, and i do hope their hopes come true.

that said, people have pointed out that if quinn does get signed, he’d kind of be replacing the role luke is expected to grow into, which could hinder luke’s development, or maybe help a lot, since he’d have his older brother with him. still, i can’t help but wonder how quinn feels about coming to new jersey and sort of taking the pp1 spot from luke… or even whether he truly wants to play on the same team as his brothers that badly. like, of course he says he does in interviews, but i don’t know.

anyway, sorry, this is probably complete nonsense to non-hockey people or anyone who isn’t a hughes brothers enjoyer.